How does a friend make it up to your list of best friends?

It seems that the only best friends that I have are those that I survived the crazy school years. The ones that I can trust wholeheartedly, jabber non-stop on the phone, searched alongside with me through the identity crisis, the first time i fell in and out of love and are comforted simply because we know that we will always be there to hold each other hands no matter what happens. As I grow older it seems that best friends are the ones i carried from the past. And it means more with the years of friendship.

What does a best friend mean to you?

That no matter when, no matter where, we can still count on each other. That we care. That we are still part of each other's lives.

When does a best friend becomes simply just a friend?

It is when one day  I realised that I mean just a friend to them. When they no longer call. When they no longer meet for coffee, meals. When I didnt want to cry to them at the lowest point of my life. When it comes to the most important event of their lives, it didnt matter that I was left out of their joy. Today I realised.

I recalled this scene in Sex and the city movie where Carrie was reading Cinderella to Charlotte's daughter- Lily, before interrupting the story to inform her that fairy tales don't always come true, and princesses aren't always rescued.

How relevant are fairy tales today?

They used to be so beautiful when we were young - the perfect prince, the romance and the happily ever after. The world was a whole lot simpler before we grew up. Perhaps growing up in the 21st century has something to do with that. But of course we know today that fairy tales do not come true. There is no one right destined person out there to complete you, few of us may have the chance to experience romance that sweep us off our feet and happily ever after is too easy for a lifetime of marriage - if we dont opt for divorce first. Reality does bite.

Call me cynical. Expectations of such love instilled in us are most often than not unrealistic. But we carry them throughout our life, hoping that one day it will happen for us too. We built up hopes and then resigned to disappointments.

The point that Carrie made so frankly to Lily was important. The dose of reality. The child has to come to understand that fairy tales are just that - a fairy tale. Just as she will come to know that Santa does not exist.

I see the purpose of the fairy tales is to have us believe in love. And despite what I've been through, I do believe in love, and I believe sunshine will too. But no longer how love was painted in them.

had beers with my Korean colleague.

i asked how he keep his marriage going for the last 12 years? He said that the Korean society is very conservative and relations are deeply interwined with family, relatives and friends. They believed the dutiful role that a man and a woman must play and it is not acceptable to break out of this mould or risk losing these relations and support. Thus the in a Korean family, the man and woman have obligations and responsibilities.

How can he tell if he loves his wife still after these years? He wrote the chinese characters, "爱 " (love) and "情" (feelings). Someone told him that love will move on to feelings. And now there is only feelings between them. Because there are obligations and responsibilities that he must fufil.

I thought about couples growing old together and wondered if I am too romanticised to be practical. I told him that responsibilities are part of love but they can never replace love totally. The responsibilities would have lacked sincerity and become meaningless by then which I dont think I can ever live with.

We talked about how we often have to make choices bound by responsibilities but at a loss when asked what would we have done if we do not have such considerations. I suppose I was afraid to even venture into thinking about it. Because the disappointment would be hard to live with. It seems like we are both victims of own circumstances and of own consequences.

I sense that he is equally frustrated and resigned yet deep hunger lurks within him to embrace the world experiences that seems to be slipping through his desperate hold with the passage of time.

I symphatise. I know exactly how it feels.