had beers with my Korean colleague.
i asked how he keep his marriage going for the last 12 years? He said that the Korean society is very conservative and relations are deeply interwined with family, relatives and friends. They believed the dutiful role that a man and a woman must play and it is not acceptable to break out of this mould or risk losing these relations and support. Thus the in a Korean family, the man and woman have obligations and responsibilities.
How can he tell if he loves his wife still after these years? He wrote the chinese characters, "爱 " (love) and "情" (feelings). Someone told him that love will move on to feelings. And now there is only feelings between them. Because there are obligations and responsibilities that he must fufil.
I thought about couples growing old together and wondered if I am too romanticised to be practical. I told him that responsibilities are part of love but they can never replace love totally. The responsibilities would have lacked sincerity and become meaningless by then which I dont think I can ever live with.
We talked about how we often have to make choices bound by responsibilities but at a loss when asked what would we have done if we do not have such considerations. I suppose I was afraid to even venture into thinking about it. Because the disappointment would be hard to live with. It seems like we are both victims of own circumstances and of own consequences.
I sense that he is equally frustrated and resigned yet deep hunger lurks within him to embrace the world experiences that seems to be slipping through his desperate hold with the passage of time.
I symphatise. I know exactly how it feels.